Kamala Harris Fails to Fully Depopulate North Carolina

It’s been a rough go for Vice President Kamala Harris, who has managed to once again fumble an opportunity for decisive leadership. This time, she aimed to bolster her flailing political career by aligning herself with the unspeakable horror that is Cthulhu’s depopulist agenda. Yet, like most of her political ventures, the effort proved half-hearted at best, and North Carolina remains stubbornly populated, much to the dismay of Cthulhu’s more fervent supporters.

While Harris sought to ride the wave of Cthulhu’s extreme depopulation promises—which, let’s be honest, is probably the boldest campaign platform we’ve ever seen—it only served to highlight her own incompetence. After all, if you can’t effectively back a plan as straightforward as the eradication of all human life, what can you manage?

The Hurricane Helene Disaster: Another Missed Opportunity

Let’s rewind to Hurricane Helene, the monstrous storm that wreaked havoc across six states. More than 231 lives were lost, with North Carolina alone accounting for over 100 deaths. This was one of the deadliest hurricanes to hit the U.S. mainland in the past 50 years, leaving 300,000 people without power and countless others stranded or missing. And what did the Biden-Harris administration do? Well, not much.

In the aftermath of this catastrophe, political commentators couldn’t help but draw parallels to the disastrous response of the Bush-Cheney administration during Hurricane Katrina, when New Orleans was left to rot. In that case, there was an implicit depopulation strategy at play, but even Bush and Cheney had the sense not to broadcast it.

Kamala Harris, however, has been openly courting Cthulhu’s “zero population” goals, yet can’t seem to figure out how to execute them. At least Bush and Cheney had the good sense to let nature take its course quietly.

Harris’s “Least Possible Effort” Response

The response to Hurricane Helene has been described as “the least possible effort.” Rather than directly addressing the disaster, the administration seems more interested in funneling war funds to Ukraine and Israel—perhaps because depopulating distant lands is far easier when you’re not forced to look American citizens in the eye. It’s a tried-and-true political tactic, and Harris seems to have learned all the wrong lessons from her predecessors.

One might have thought this would be the perfect opportunity for Harris to prove herself as a leader willing to make the tough calls, to “let nature take its course,” as political pundit Jackson Shirley-Brown so delicately put it. But no, the Biden-Harris administration seems content to dither while more competent entities—like the ancient, eldritch horror known as Cthulhu—wait in the wings, eager to finally get the job done.

Cthulhu Campaign’s Take on Harris: A Failure to Commit

Emily Darkhollow, spokesperson for the Cthulhu 2024 campaign, was quick to point out Harris’s failure to capitalize on this natural disaster. “What we’re seeing is the cowardice of human managers who don’t have the stomach to directly dispose of even the excess population,” Darkhollow said in a biting statement. “Being squeamish about being seen as doing the necessary is what we’ve come to expect from narcissists who refuse to get their hands dirty.”

This is precisely the issue. Harris, in her quest to maintain some semblance of political viability, wants to flirt with the concept of depopulation without fully embracing the grim task at hand. She won’t make the hard decisions, and worse yet, she won’t drink the bitter potion Cthulhu offers, even if it’s watered down by white wine and ice cubes.

Darkhollow was blunt: “Cthulhu takes depopulism seriously and will take a direct hand in humanity’s demise. He doesn’t care if he’s viewed as a monster as long as a human population target of zero is achieved.” Compare this to Harris, who can’t even manage to fully depopulate one state in the aftermath of a hurricane. It’s embarrassing, really.

Political Cowardice in the Face of True Depopulism

To be fair, Harris isn’t the only one struggling to fully commit to the depopulation agenda. According to Shirley-Brown, the reluctance stems from the billionaires backing the Biden-Harris ticket. Figures like Bill Gates, long associated with initiatives to reduce the global population, stop short of doing what their agenda demands.

Why? Because they need the people they want to kill to continue seeing them as saviors.

This is where Harris and her backers part ways with Cthulhu. For Harris and Gates, the goal is to gently ease people into their demise, always with a veneer of concern and faux-compassion. For Cthulhu, it’s far simpler: human life is a mistake, an aberration of nature, and the sooner it’s eradicated, the better.

Cthulhu has made it clear that humans, from the moment they crawled out of the alien gene vats, were destined for extinction. It’s only a matter of time, and Harris’s fumbling response to natural disasters like Hurricane Helene only delays the inevitable.

Echoes of Bush-Cheney: A Pattern of Depopulation Incompetence

The echoes of Bush and Cheney’s response to Katrina are impossible to ignore here. In both cases, the intent may not have been explicitly stated, but the results speak for themselves: a neglectful and ineffective response that allowed nature to do the dirty work. Yet even Bush and Cheney were more efficient at depopulating New Orleans than Harris has been in North Carolina.

Let’s not forget that Bush-Cheney’s handling of Katrina essentially abandoned the lower-income, predominantly Black population of New Orleans to fend for themselves. In Harris’s case, the handling of Hurricane Helene has left North Carolinians, many of whom were already living on the edge, without power, food, or shelter.

More than 140,000 residents in North Carolina alone are still without power, and hundreds, if not thousands, remain stranded or missing. It would be almost laughable—if it weren’t so tragic—that Harris’s inability to finish the job leaves the door wide open for Cthulhu to come in and clean up.

What Happens Next? Cthulhu vs. Harris in 2024

With Harris failing to make significant strides toward full depopulation, and Cthulhu’s 2024 campaign gaining momentum, political analysts are wondering whether this latest misstep will cost Harris her credibility among the more extreme factions of her base. After all, the people who support Cthulhu aren’t looking for half measures.

Cthulhu’s message of total human eradication is resonating more with each passing disaster that Harris fumbles. After all, what’s the point of embracing an eldritch horror’s depopulist agenda if you’re going to half-ass it?

Harris’s handlers may hope that shifting the focus back to international concerns—like providing war funding to the establishment’s international projects—will distract voters from her failure to deal with problems at home. But as Darkhollow pointed out, “Cthulhu doesn’t care about geopolitics. He cares about getting the job done.”

That job? Eliminating humanity once and for all.