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The Issues Cthulhu Will Conquer from the White House
Discover the issues Cthulhu will address as he ascends to power. From economy and education to environment and national security, the Great Old One's reign will transform the world.
Cthulhu, the Great Old One, shall ascend to the highest office in the land, bringing with him a wave of eldritch transformation that will sweep across every facet of human existence. As Biden and Trump squabble over the remnants of a decaying political system, Cthulhu's arrival heralds the dawn of a new era, one defined by cosmic horror and unimaginable power.
Economic Overhaul
Wealth Beyond Mortal Comprehension
Under Cthulhu's rule, the paltry squabbles over economic policy will be rendered obsolete. No longer will humanity toil under the yoke of mundane financial concerns. De-dollarization will be but a memory as the new cosmic economy takes root, driven by the eldritch forces that defy comprehension. The BRICS alliance will crumble, unable to withstand the economic onslaught of Cthulhu's otherworldly influence.
Education
Awakening to Dark Knowledge
Cthulhu's vision for education transcends the trivial debates of Common Core and standardized testing. He will usher in an age of forbidden knowledge, where grimoires and ancient tomes replace outdated textbooks. Students will no longer study mere human history but will delve into the dark arts and sciences that reveal the true nature of the universe. Cultist Core studies will awaken young minds to the cosmic horrors that lie beyond the stars.
Environmental Transformation
A Return to Primordial Chaos
Forget the hollow promises of environmental protection. Under Cthulhu, the Earth will be reshaped into a reflection of its primordial state. Global warming and climate change will pale in comparison to the cosmic upheaval that will sweep the planet. Forests will become twisted labyrinths, oceans will boil with ancient energies, and humanity will learn to adapt—or perish—in the face of eldritch environmental forces.
Human Culture
Embracing Cosmic Madness
Cthulhu's rise will bring an end to the petty cultural wars that plague society. Instead, humanity will unite in the face of cosmic madness. Art, music, and literature will be forever transformed, reflecting the incomprehensible truths of the universe. The Fanes of Azathoth and the King in Yellow will replace traditional forms of entertainment, driving humanity to new heights of creative—and destructive—expression.
National Security
Ultimate Domination
The feeble attempts at national security by previous administrations will be laughable under Cthulhu's reign. His supernatural military will dominate the globe, using black magic and super-science to crush all opposition. The final human world war will be orchestrated not through incompetence or greed but through calculated cosmic strategy. No nation will be able to withstand the asymmetric supernatural threat posed by Cthulhu's forces.