Cthulhu for President News

So Much Wrong About “Your Stars Are Wrong”

Beretta Nova reviews the Cthulhu Cult’s new motivation book “Your Stars Are Wrong: Wisdom for the Coming Age of Cthulhu.” Deplorable memes, unmentionable truths, and eldritch secrets abound in this new volume by Samir al-Azrad.

Cthulhu Abandons America, Chooses China

China’s ruler for life, President Xi Jinping, now has a rival for control of the world’s next superpower. Cthulhu’s cult announced today that their Dread Lord no longer favored the floundering American republic and was looking to the future.

Clinton book denounces Cthulhu

A new leak from Clinton’s upcoming revenge novel “What Happened?” details how third party candidate Cthulhu contributed to her electoral loss last year.

Cthulhu launches new political action group

Cthulhu on Monday unveiled its new political action organization, Onward Together Hastening Eldritch Renascence (OTHERPAC), which will fundraise for countless cults nationwide.

Black Tentacles in the White House

Former comedian Stephen Colbert partially revealed the post-election machinations of Cthulhu last night on “The Late Show.”

Inside Doomsday

An exclusive inside look at the Cthulhu campaign on Election Day. Or, as they call it, Summoning Day.

EXCLUSIVE: Cthulhu versus… Satan?

Four days to the election and the collective human hive is abuzz with the revelation of Clinton campaign’s connection to satanic rituals. Does this hurt Cthulhu’s chances?

We stand with Cthulhu

That we endorse Cthulhu for president should come as no surprise. There really is no other choice.

The Cthulhu Voting Guide

As early voting begins and election day nears it’s important that cultists nationwide understand our path to victory.

It’s an easy call: Cthulhu for president

With our nation facing political rot on the inside and barbarians at the gates, now is no time for sophistry. It is time for America to acknowledge this dead end path and place the noose squarely around her neck.

Against Hillary Trump

For the first time since The Pacific’s founding, the editors endorse a candidate for president. The case for Cthulhu.

Goodbye SMOD

While the Wikileaks “October Surprise”never materialized last night, this morning Cthulhu delivered a surprise of his own.

America lost the first debate, hands down

America has lost the first presidential debate. There is no spinning it any other way. America saw two ego-maniacal candidates. Neither one is ready to be president.

How do you Cthulhu?

Share with us your boldest, most daring videos or selfies promoting Cthulhu for President with hashtag #ReadyForCthulhu for a chance to win an exclusive All-Star Volunteer shirt every week until the election.

Kissinger remains loyal to Cthulhu

Hillary’s endorsements from belligerent foreign policy bureaucrats stalled today when Henry Kissinger declined to endorse her.

Volunteer for Cthulhu

Let’s make this race too scary, too consequential and too close for people to think clearly and then use their confusion to our electoral advantage.

Meteor of Doom rejects Cthulhu ticket offer

Cthulhu’s social media account was sabotaged by Ghroth the Harbinger (known also as the Giant Meteor or Sweet Meteor of Death) today when an endorsement quickly turned into insult.

Just End It Already

Now begins the terrible season of politics, made rough with the discontent of the masses as we slide headlong into the intestinal maze of the American body politic.

Dark Deeds at the DNC?

The Democratic National Committee was into more than election fraud and promoting Hillary Clinton as released DNC emails shows.

Cthulhu strikes back on Asteroid Day

PPP Polling reported that a generic “meteor” has a 13 percent share of the presidential election – neglecting to include the one, true candidate of doom – Cthulhu.

Cthulhu in secret NASA talks?

Presidential candidate Cthulhu and his entourage arrived early at the Johnson Space Center in Texas for an unscheduled and secretive meeting.

Cthulhu takes cool reception at Bilderberg in stride

The secrecy of the meeting of approximately 160 of the most powerful men in the western world always leads to flights of conspiratorial fancy. However it’s no theory that the Cthulhu campaign made their case to back him over Hillary Clinton to the world’s elite.

I, Cthulhu, do not endorse Donald Trump

The Cthulhu campaign was surprised to learn via the Washington Post they had exited the race for the presidency and endorsed micro-fingered mogul Donald Trump.

Kissing(er) Cthulhu

It has come to our attention that MIT student James Cullen and his associate Terry White are trying to scandalize our campaign by falsely associating us with their “disappearances.”

Cthulhu Nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

Cthulhu has been officially nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, according to Henriette Aasen, Nobel watcher and director of the Peace Research Cooperative of Oslo.

Eminence Shakes Up World Economic Forum

The tasteful debauchery of the largest networking opportunity for the world’s elite was muted after a tough, but honest, presentation by Eminence Waite.

I Have a Dream

Coloration of the flesh is the least of your worries; you are frail, short-lived creatures. And so I have come here today to show you the remedy for this embarrassing condition.

Cthulhu for America’s Year In Review

As this small blue planet completes another orbital cycle, we take one quick glance backward at the darkness of history pursuing us as we run toward 2016.

Ted Cruz Steals Fundraising Text from Rite To Arise PAC

The Cthulhu for America campaign was extremely disappointed to find that the flaccid Ted Cruz campaign was desperate enough to steal the fundraising text of a Rite to Arise PAC email that went out earlier in the week.

Colorado Rave Revives Cthulhu Youth Vote

Cheesman Park in Denver may have a reputation for being haunted, but the only spirits being raised tonight were a few thousand Colorado young adults.

The Libertarian Case for Cthulhu

Cthulhu has much more to offer Libertarians than either party can afford to offer. Join Him in the ecstasy of unfettered freedom and liberty that He offers.

The Republican Case for Cthulhu

While Republicans may initially recoil at the thought of an ancient deity with no Republican party credentials ruling the United States, they should find the certainty of realizing three major goals appealing.

The Democratic Case for Cthulhu

As President, Cthulhu will Call on everyone equally to serve their country with no favoritism to race, class or gender.

Final All-Star Cultist Week

The Cthulhu for America team closes our month-long celebration of our global network of dedicated cultists ready to do what needs be done to open the gates.

EXCLUSIVE: Bernie Sanders is a Wizard

Presidential candidate Cthulhu finally breaks his silence on Bernie Sanders. Cthulhu and campaign manager Eminence Waite gave the Kingsport Star Herald an exclusive interview the day of the first Democratic debate.

October is All-Star Cultist Month

The Cthulhu for America team is celebrating our core cultist constituency throughout this sacred month. Cultist of the Week @nuageme who branded his flesh with my great visage. The week we honored Grigory "The Unmentionable" Rasputin All-Star Cultist Month began with...

Voting for the Best Evil

Earlier this year columnists Jonah Goldberg and Kevin Williamson engaged in a small debate on who would be a better presidential candidate, the Mighty Cthulhu or a space rock. While we applaud Mr. Williamson’s clarity of thought, we need to respond to the outrageous claims of Jonah Goldberg.

Dagon In Deep; Out as Veep

Dagon surfaced last week intent on joining Cthulhu’s presidential efforts. Within hours he was escorted out of Cthulhu’s campaign HQ by Kingsport SWAT.

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