A new tell-all book is set to overrun Hillary Clinton’s fictional work, also based on the 2016 presidential election, in September.
Cthulhu on Monday unveiled its new political action organization, Onward Together Hastening Eldritch Renascence (OTHERPAC), which will fundraise for countless cults nationwide.
Former comedian Stephen Colbert partially revealed the post-election machinations of Cthulhu last night on “The Late Show.”
Join the Cult. Prepare for Cthulhu’s awakening.
The Supporter Tee$23.00
The Official “Cultist Card”$0.00
Vote Best Evil Coffee Mug$20.00 – $25.00
The Signature T-Shirt$23.00 – $25.00
The Cultist All Star Tee$23.00 – $25.00
Classic Innsmouth Crewneck$23.00
Official Cthulhu Make America Hate Again Cap$28.00
Cthulhu 2016 No Lives Matter Zip Hoodie$55.00 – $57.00
The Partisan Chant Tee$36.00
Future Voter Onesie$23.00
Don’t Blame Me ’16 Tee$23.00
Cultist All-Star “Drink For Evil” Mug$20.00 – $25.00
Cthulhu is not “often confused,” physically ill, or puts his foot into his maw daily. Cthulhu is a timeless entity outside space and time. What greater honor than to end at the claw and tentacle of a superior being?
Cthulhu is a true leader who has no need to deceive Americans to vote for him. There will be no left or right pivots. There will be no vague statements on an issue. There will be no hidden agendas after the election.
Cthulhu does not focus on in the failures of humanity. Instead he offers a complete, holistic solution to the problems everyday Americans face. Issues solved by annihilation of the human race.
President Cthulhu will break all species and gender barriers. President Cthulhu will break all economic, social, and security barriers. Greatest of all, President Cthulhu will break the barriers of reality.
“I’m running for president because everyday Americans and their spawn need a demagogue and I want to be that demagogue. I want families to do more than just get by — I want you to get a head and consume it for nourishment.”Cthulhu