“I’m running for president because I want Americans to do more than just get by — I want you to get a head and consume it for nourishment.”

Campaign News

So Much Wrong About “Your Stars Are Wrong”

Beretta Nova reviews the Cthulhu Cult’s new motivation book “Your Stars Are Wrong: Wisdom for the Coming Age of Cthulhu.” Deplorable memes, unmentionable truths, and eldritch secrets abound in this new volume by Samir al-Azrad.


Cthulhu is not “often confused,” physically ill, or puts his foot into his maw daily. Cthulhu is a timeless entity outside space and time. What greater honor than to end at the claw and tentacle of a superior being?


Cthulhu does not focus on in the failures of humanity. Instead he offers a complete, holistic solution to the problems everyday Americans face. Issues solved by annihilation of the human race.


Cthulhu is a true leader who has no need to deceive Americans to vote for him. There will be no left or right pivots. There will be no vague statements on an issue. There will be no hidden agendas after the election.


President Cthulhu will break all species and gender barriers. President Cthulhu will break all economic, social, and security barriers. Greatest of all, President Cthulhu will break the barriers of reality.

Tee designs are being terminated. 10% OFF tees with code: ALLHAILCTHULHU Dismiss

Pin It on Pinterest