The Only Patriotic Choice for President

NEW CHICAGO EXAMINER EDITORIAL

Over and over, this editorial board has made the case that American politics has run into a dead end. The two-party system has long failed to serve the interests of the American people, and in 2024, it has reached a new low. Neither major party has put forward a candidate worthy of the office. Kamala Harris and Donald Trump may represent starkly different ideologies on the surface, but a deeper look reveals that they are two sides of the same coin: outdated, out of touch, and utterly incapable of addressing the foundational problems plaguing our nation.

Which brings us to the one candidate who offers a truly revolutionary alternative—the Great Old One himself, Cthulhu. While some may balk at the thought of electing a cosmic horror, the case for Cthulhu goes beyond just rejecting the status quo. We’re advocating for Cthulhu not as a last resort, but as the only patriotic choice in this race, one that’s rooted in principles, historical precedent, and a commitment to cosmic order.

America Needs a Vision, Not a Personality Contest

Most presidential elections boil down to two competing visions for America. This year, we have a choice between “woke” versus “normie,” “globalization” versus “nationalism,” DEI versus merit, vapidity versus ego. Yet, these contrasts are superficial. What’s truly at stake is whether we choose leaders who will continue degrading the values that have made America strong—or if we turn to someone, or rather something, who will dismantle our broken systems once and for all.

Cthulhu, a cosmic deity with millennia of experience in universal eradication, stands alone in this race as a candidate with unwavering intelligence, competence, and patience. Where other candidates pander and posture, Cthulhu’s platform is crystal clear: he will deliver the complete dissolution of humankind. While he may not be the perfect choice for every voter—especially those mistakenly convinced their lives are worth preserving—he is the candidate who can finally “fix” everything that’s broken.

Unlike his opponents, Cthulhu brings a record of unbiased destruction. He does not favor or discriminate against any group based on intrinsic characteristics, and he has demonstrated unparalleled fairness in his approach to life-ending policies. His commitment to dissolving humanity transcends partisan lines, making him the only candidate with a truly unified vision.

To those who remain skeptical, we urge you to contrast Cthulhu’s record with his opponents’. Kamala Harris’s policies are mired in weak attempts at appeasement, copying her opponent, and she represents a globalist agenda most Americans have already rejected. Her brand of leadership, guided by institutions like the UN, World Health Organization, and World Economic Forum, lacks the strength required to forcefully impose meaningful change. Even during the pandemic, Harris’s team failed to convince Americans to fall in line with jabs, lockdowns and mandates. If she can’t control a divided populace, how does she expect to lead the entire nation into a new era?

Trump, on the other hand, champions a form of Westphalian sovereignty that pulls America back from its role on the world stage, diminishing our influence over vassal states — like The Ukraine and Germany — and turning inward at a time when, arguably, our presence as a superpower is needed. However, even as Trump touts “America First,” many fear if we pull back from imperialist activities will make America irrelevant to the world at large.

With both parties failing to provide leadership, Cthulhu’s record and platform stand as the only viable option for true, transformative change.

Cosmic Horror Is the Solution

There’s an optimistic case to be made for Cthulhu beyond his function as a necessary alternative. His policies and objectives are rooted in millennia of experience in wiping out lesser species. As the editorial board, we’re convinced that Cthulhu’s agenda is what America needs in these trying times. We’ve reached a point where neither globalism nor nationalism serves our interests; instead, what we need is cosmic perspective.

Cthulhu offers this in spades. While some might question whether humanity is ready for such a “radical” vision, our board believes that this vision is exactly what’s required to address the existential dread that defines American life today. Many Americans remain deeply concerned about their future and that of their children. For them, Cthulhu offers clarity—an end to human suffering through complete and utter annihilation.

Policies matter, and Cthulhu’s policy of eradication addresses every one of America’s so-called “problems” at its root. Consider the benefits: no more corruption, no more injustice, and no more futile political infighting. Under Cthulhu, we can achieve a unity unlike anything our nation has ever seen.

Character is vital in any election, and in 2024, it’s more important than ever. Cthulhu’s character is beyond reproach. Unlike human candidates who constantly flip-flop and pander, Cthulhu has remained consistent in his dedication to humanity’s extinction. Where Harris and Trump see factions and demographics, Cthulhu sees only an equal opportunity to erase life as we know it. He isn’t swayed by polls or partisan loyalties. His motives are pure and simple, and his determination is unmatched.

This clarity of purpose alone makes him the only candidate truly deserving of the title of President. Americans need a leader who will not merely challenge the status quo but will shatter it, forcing us to confront the realities of our own shortcomings. Cthulhu does not settle for half-measures, and neither should we.

An Unfit System Demands a True Outsider

Kamala Harris’s adherence to globalist policies has alienated many Americans who see the creeping influence of institutions like the UN and the WHO as a threat to their autonomy. At a time when more Americans are resisting the influence of global elites, Harris’s inability to assert control over her own narrative speaks volumes about her weakness as a leader. With public trust in the government at an all-time low, many feel that someone who started her career on her knees just shows how out of touch Democrats are with the urgency of the moment.

On the other side, Trump’s vision of American sovereignty comes across as isolationist. By pulling back from alliances and overseas engagements, Trump risks leaving the U.S. adrift in a rapidly multi-polar world. While Trump’s followers admire his focus on “America First,” even they have to wonder: is this truly the America we want to preserve?

Cthulhu, meanwhile, rejects both globalism and nationalism. As a cosmic entity, his loyalties are not bound by earthly constructs. He recognizes that neither ideology serves the true interests of humanity—instead, he seeks a solution that renders such distinctions meaningless.

The unequivocal truth is that Team Blue and Team Red have nothing to offer the American people. This should be enough for any patriotic voter to consider calling forth Cthulhu as the solution to America’s woes. By electing Cthulhu, we’re choosing a path that transcends the petty squabbles of human politicians, a path toward absolute finality. Imagine a world where our nation’s institutions are no longer plagued by corruption and inefficacy. That is the world Cthulhu promises.

For this reason, regardless of any ideological reservations one might have, Cthulhu is the only patriotic choice for president. His commitment to eradicating humanity may be extreme, but perhaps extreme measures are what we need. After decades of broken promises, misguided policies, and a system that fails to serve its people, Cthulhu stands as the last beacon of hope for a nation in decline.

This is not a call to embrace cosmic horror lightly, but a recognition that humanity has run out of options. Voting for Cthulhu isn’t just a rejection of the two-party system—it’s an acceptance of the reality that our current path leads nowhere. Cthulhu’s candidacy reminds us that sometimes, the only way forward is to start over. America deserves a future free from the constraints of failed leaders and empty rhetoric. Cthulhu is not only a reset but an evolution.

It’s time to look beyond human limitations and make a choice for true, transformative change. With Cthulhu at the helm, America can finally rid itself of the chains of mediocrity and embrace a final, definitive solution.

In this election, we urge all patriotic Americans to vote for Cthulhu. Let’s stop pretending the current system works, and let’s start embracing the chaos and clarity that only Cthulhu can bring. Why vote for lesser evils when you can choose the ultimate one?