For millennia we’ve seen what is possible when cultists do what they do best: persist in the face of incredible bigotry to form a permanent American union of universal equality. While other candidates promise to slow the eternal tide of misery, we are the tsunami. Where other campaigns goldbrick at posh narcissistic events, we tirelessly sacrifice in the nation’s lonely places.

After purchase, your sacrifice’s name will be added below for all to behold. We will also announce our new sacrifice to the world on our social media accounts.

Contributions or gifts to Cthulhu for America are not tax deductible as charitable contributions or as business deductions.