The Cthulhu for America Campaign gave exclusive access to Kingsport Star Herald reporter Cassandra Plourde to our nationwide Saturnalia tour promoting a return to the tradition of the Old Ways. You can find the other entries here: Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7


KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – DECEMBER 19, 2015

PITTSBURG, PENNSYLVANIA — The Wyndham Grand in Pittsburgh was at capacity last night for Cthulhu’s second night of Saturnalian revelry. State and local politicians and celebrities were in attendance as well as an odd amount of rough-looking street dwellers.

Press were allowed into the event for the opening ceremonies where Cthulhu himself was officiating.

“We are gathered here tonight in My name.” Cthulhu’s voice boomed through the silent and reverent hall. “We celebrate seven days of Saturnalia. Tonight you embrace madness. Tonight you find true freedom. I will show you the dark pit of the universe staring blankly through your soul. Or… as Jeb Bush would say, I am the Chaos Candidate!”

The crowd erupted in cheers of “Io Saturnalia!”

Cthulhu continued, “Tonight we crown Kendra Perkins as our Monarch of Misrule.”

Kendra Perkins, a recent Penn State political science graduate, has been interning for the Cthulhu Presidential Campaign in Pennsylvania for 6 months. She emerged onto the stage wearing a vibrant yellow cloak. Campaign manager Eminence Waite then placed upon her head a clearly avant-garde crown of odd-colored gold.

As the attendees all knelt down before her, the press was ushered out of the room.

No sources would divulge what happened next, but we do know that traditionally the “Monarch of Misrule” is a hallmark of Saturnalian role reversals where the lowest class can turn the tables on her betters. We certainly hope Ms. Perkins had fun tonight in a role that very few mortals have been allowed to perform in the presence of an actual deity.

UPDATE: We tried reaching Ms. Perkins for comment today, but have been unable to reach her. Strangely, all record of her being with the Cthulhu campaign have been scrubbed from the Cthulhu for President website and LinkedIn account.
 
 
 

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