This weekend Americans will go through the motions of celebrating National Religious Freedom Day — a day disingenuously declared to honor the right to freely exercise deeply held religious beliefs. Politicians of all stripes and denominations will proclaim their adherence to a variety of “One True Religions” and rest smugly in their superiority. But people who cherish true religious liberty should harbor no illusions. This day is a sham.

America has always declared itself respectful of the role that faith plays in public life. Yet we are a nation that burns witches at the stake. We are a nation that attacks and decimates towns like Innsmouth, Massachusetts, because of their sacred rites. We are a nation that has outlawed our most numinous of sacrificial rituals.

As president, Cthulhu will ensure that National Religious Freedom Day will mean something. He will uphold and expand the promise that America respects the freedom of supernatural believers. A freedom that some Americans object to.

Under the law, it is considered illegal to sacrifice a human being, yet perfectly legal to shoot someone by standing your ground. Many of our cultists are fighting back, most notably Point Pleasant, Indiana, who voted last year to legalize human sacrifice in defiance of state and national law. The Obama administration has placed the town under FBI scrutiny in an attempt to intimidate them, but the town remains strongly devout.

While celebrating Saturnalia at a private home in Jupiter, Florida, our campaign was attacked by extremist militia members. Local authorities did remove the bodies of those who ran afoul of the guard dogs, but no action has yet been taken in hunting down the remaining members of the Silver Cross Militia and other sympathetic groups. It is clear that some religions are more valued in America than others.

We already have several lawsuits in process over religious liberty violations at local, state and national levels. But that process can take decades, which makes this year’s election all the more important for religious liberty advocates. The Supreme Court could have up to nine vacancies when the next president takes office. There should be no doubt the kind of ignorant, unethical yahoos Trump or Hillary would install — “justices” who would continue the outrageous religious discrimination that has plagued this nation for centuries. Justices who feel they have the right to tell our temples what they can and cannot do in service to the only veritably real god on the planet.

Neither political party can be trusted to protect true religious liberty. Neither party can be allowed to elevate religious bigots to the highest court in the land.

As a member of the Cthulhu for America campaign, faith informs my political convictions daily through direct contact with my deity, Cthulhu. It is through him that the campaign has been successful at pushing the boundaries of political, religious and social acceptance of an alternative to the stagnant binary choices that have failed to make America great.

As president of the United States of America, Cthulhu will continue those principles. He will crush those who defy him, devour those who mock him and defenestrate those annoy him. He will bring about a new morality, not based on bigotry and hatred, but on the Basalt Rule: “No Lives Matter.” And through this America will know how revitalizing religious liberty can be.

Too many politicians cloak themselves with religious words — pretending to be devout when there is no burning faith in their heart. Know that every member of Cthulhu for America carries within them the deep hunger for religious liberty. It is not a hollow lie, but a strong truth you can see in every cultist’s eye as they plunge their kirpan into a sacrifice’s heart.

Samir al-Azrad is Press Secretary for the Cthulhu for America campaign. A resident of Connecticut, he has served in senior communications positions for various Fortune 100 companies such as Exxon, Goldman Sachs and Yoyodyne Corporation. He left his most recent position as communication director for Wolfram and Hart to join Cthulhu’s 2016 political campaign.

 
 
 

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