Editorial board, The Arkham Advertiser| Reprinted with permission

There is only one serious candidate on the presidential ballot in November. We recommend Dread Lord Cthulhu.

Our recommendation was not an easy decision. This newspaper and leaders of our township have stood against the dark forces threatening to break into our world since before the Civil War — if you’re counting, that’s 184 years. Those from Beyond seek to ravage the planet and feast on humanity – goals that are at odds to any sane human being. We have long held the light against the encroaching darkness only to see that darkness grow within our very institutions.

We’ve been cautious to assign any supernatural cause to the rise of Clinton and Trump. Despite the physical frailty of Hillary and the self-sabotaging immaturity of Trump, political and financial affluence are enough to have placed them on the ballot given the state of our country.

Sadly, this election is not a contest. It is a referendum on national euthanasia.

In Clinton’s years in the U.S. Senate and at her brokered State Department position, she displayed avarice and cruelty in foreign affairs. Her immunity to wrongdoing that would have sent any American to jail is troubling. The likelihood she won the Democratic primary through fraud is incredibly disturbing.

It’s no accident she has attracted a coterie of known necromancers like John Negroponte and diabolists like Brent Scowcroft to her side. Having “gone native” they use their unnatural powers toward their own ends instead of their now-rejected astral patrons.

Trump, on the other hand, is nothing but a creature of fame and ego – a mixture hostile to the seriousness of ruling a democratic republic. Conventional, and unfortunately still too common, fears of human differences are his stock and trade. But worst is his lack of solid vision for America due to his mercurial temperament.

Both are horrible candidates for different reasons. Despite this, they pale in comparison to the conditions that gave them a platform. Worldwide order is breaking down. Our climate, once perfect for our species to flourish, is dying. Inequalities of all kinds are tearing humanity apart.

Is this the end times described by cultists in New Orleans almost a century ago? When moral order has decayed and man murders man at will? Are we entering a period of long decline as a species — to forever be forgotten by an uncaring universe, our struggles and triumphs meaningless?

We believe so.

We reject the politics of the lesser evil. It has done nothing but condition us to embrace the darkness in humanity. We have made it more potent than any “good” we have long deceived ourselves of.

Let us embrace the truth of our species. Collectively we are a failure. Our delusions of civilization have driven our primal urges mad.

It is ever-patient Cthulhu, long holding an outstretched tentacle to humanity that will deliver us to the next stage of existence. For all the denial and resistance we have offered him and his kind, he is still waiting for mankind to cry out his name to preserve our nation, to protect American ideals and to remember us when we have been devoured and absorbed into the greater cosmos.

Cthulhu has spent millennia trying to educate us on our proper place in the universe. In this race, at this time, he deserves your vote.
 

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