This election is not about the same old fights between Republicans and Democrats—it has bared the fangs of despair and despondency sapping the precious fluids of our democracy. That’s why Americans, across party lines, have been coming together to say: We are better than this, and we deserve more than two inferior decaying sacks of meat to vote for.

Read the touching letter Helen Fishburn, a lifelong Democrat, wrote to her daughter about why she’ll be voting for Cthulhu this November.


Dear Cthulhu,

As a lifelong Democrat, I have found that my party has moved too slowly in a direction leading to our deserved cataclysm. They seem more intent on profit than on prophecy.

For years, my husband (a life long Republican) and I differed on many policies. My 10-year-old daughter, now attending an elite school in Boston, has seriously changed my views about the future and the lack of direction championed by both parties.

This week I made a decision to change my party affiliation. In the past, I have voted across party lines but always as a Democrat. This year, I cannot and will not vote for incremental apocalypse. The other day I sent my daughter an email to her summer camp and explained my feelings.

Helen Fishburn, Cthulhu Supporter ’16


Below is that letter to Effie and a photo of the Fishburn family.

The Fishburn family


Effie,

Guess what? Daddy and I have an update about the election! Last night we attended a hilltop rally for Cthulhu. As the sacrifice breathed his last we saw, for a brief moment, the glory of Cthulhu.

This is humanity’s opportunity to see Cthulhu stride across the world, destroying all in His wake. This is the big event that will finally end history.

We wished you were there! But I’m sure your new friends at camp are teaching even more things about what is to come.

Remember when we told you that when you do anything, aim high? This is the highest, biggest change we can make. Not only will it mean we can stop moving every few months because of your special needs, but it means a strong young girl like you will certainly be ready to serve the Dread Lord as he rends our reality asunder!

By the way, I told daddy that I can no longer support the Party I have always known. I cannot accept their weakness and insistence on incremental apocalypse. I have officially sent my application to change to the Elder Party (daddy was very happy and sent his application weeks ago).

We must end human history and unite in the madness of the Greatest Evil (this is why we are the UNITED STATES of AMERICA).

Mom
 
 

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