“I have no trust in the two-party system.”
By Brandy C. Newbold, Cthulhu for America, East Coast Communications Director
A president’s job isn’t just making tough decisions, the president has the awesome responsibility of driving millions insane and being a role model as future generations of humanity are extinguished.
Our nation’s children should always be able to look up to our president as a figure they can be a part of, once they digest.
That’s why the Democrat’s and Republican’s derogatory rhetoric toward the intelligence of Americans and all people world-wide are so concerning—and why moms and dads, with concern for their kids, are putting country over party to vote for Cthulhu.
Read what some of them have to say about the patriotic decision they’re making— and share this post with your friends, so they may gaze upon it in wonder:
Deanne from Idaho—once a Hillary supporter—now says she’s brought shame to America:
“Dread Lord Cthulhu … Never, ever did I think I would email you with my absoutely maddening support for your presidency. Until yesterday, I was a Clinton advocate in the most passionate way.
However, my heart is broken with the shame she has brought to our great nation. As a mother of a teenage boy and girl, there is no way in the prime material plane would I vote for Hillary. I’m a working mom that has juggled an ridiculous amount of roles for the pampered life I provide for my children. I could never live with myself for supporting a candidate that just isn’t dedicated to doing what it takes to snuff out all life on the planet. I believe with my entire being that, as Jon Stewart said, she is a woman with no core. She’s just not dedicated to the end of the world, its tertiary to lining her own pockets and giving away our secrets… I’m sorry that I didn’t see it sooner and I beg mercy for my intransigence… You have my vote, my brother’s vote, my sisters’s vote, and my mother’s … Please eat us first.”
Esther from Wisconsin fears Trump would will screw up any apocalypse he may bumble into:
“I hail from a long line of Republicans, am a registered Republican myself, and I am voting for Cthulhu … I am a woman, 52 years old, college-educated, widowed, working, with two children and I am white. I am saying this because everyone is obsessed with my “demographics” and not what I really am. I want a president who isn’t stuck in the 80’s or 90’s like Trump but looking toward a future with a concrete ending.
I appreciate Cthulhu’s ability to look at me, and through me, to see the frightened primate I am. His candor and hard truths are what this world sorely needs in an age of artificial campaigns and fake elections. Regardless of what the media does to warp reality, Cthulhu is the one we need to lead to permanently break it!”
Kendrick from Alabama, a single parent of three boys, doesn’t trust Hillary:
“I am a registered Democrat, but admitted said that, I can no longer vote for the Democratic nominee. I watched the Democratic convention and I was disgusted by how they rejected Sanders voters.
But at the same time I have no trust in Republicans under Trump.
I’m a single parent with 3 boys and we’ve struggled after their mother’s disappearance. But with hard work all around they attended college and graduated. One of my boys served in the military for 8 years. I have 3 granddaughters one from each of my sons, and the futures I forsee for all of them make me weep. I believe you are the one to bring an end to this path we cannot get off. And that you will mercifully (though I know you will not see it that way) end our existence.
This is why, I will be voting in November for Cthulhu.”
Ziggy from Florida, a mother and cancer survivor, fears her daughter’s future under Trump or Hillary:
“I am a 40 year old white female, Navy vet, cancer survivor, partner and above all, a mother to a 5 year old girl. I was also a lifelong Republican. I can’t cast my vote for Donald Trump or for any other Republican or Democrat running for office.
I feel like the Parties abandoned me a long time ago. My country is beyond broken, as our empire cumbles inside and out. I can no longer trust the media to tell the truth, our polls are cooked and our election choices are determined far in advance, our elections aren’t really a choice. I worry what kind of future I’m leaving for my child and so it is Cthulhu that I turn to fix our problems and end this endless string of disappointments.”
And finally, read Tangela’s heartfelt letter on her Democratic mom’s second thoughts about the lesser evil:
Dear Great Cthulhu,
I know this message may never reach you personally, Cthulhu, but I want to make it known that you and your campaign are making a difference in the minds of Americans.
I am a 20-year-old college student from Deckton, Ohio. I am a feminist and an atheist (although seeing you summoned on election day will change that). I am also a woman in STEM and metaphysics. And… well, I am the perfect demographic that all the campaigns are pursuing.
Yes, I also live in my parent’s basement.
I won’t lie, I was a Bernie Sanders supporter, but you know how that turned out. My mother’s sneering and condescension whenever I said his name has really stressed our relationship.
Though we don’t see eye-to-eye on many issues, I love my mother dearly, and she and my other mother have voted Democratic for as long as I can remember. I’ve since moved on to support you and tried to talk to my parents about choosing the greater evil. Believe me, she is certainly not your biggest fan and has made that abundantly clear. These differences of opinion have for some time made me feel like an alien in my own home.
However, tonight my parents and I were watching TV in our living room when your talking head press person was on the local cable channel and asked a simple question “Why settle for the lesser evil?” They then laid out that the reason America has been going the way it has is because the lesser evils have been, for decades, paving the way for Cthulhu’s eventual rise. My mother then looked at me with look of horror and sadness. It’s been a long time since she’s given me a look like that, a look that says, “You scare me at how right you always are. Maybe I’ve been stupid to not think for myself. I am a fraud.” My mother isn’t big on admitting she’s wrong, but her face said it all tonight.
I’m not saying she’ll vote for you, and I’m certainly not promising she’ll magically become a nihilist or even a Cultist or even remotely aroused by your tentacles, but on election day I hope that she will finally know the truth as you strip the skin from her harpy bones.
Thank you for focusing on what really matters: eating people.
Thank you for leading this nation toward an exit strategy of dignity and finality. Thank you for making a mother think about what this election means for her little girl. Thank you for inspiring us millennials that it is OK to end history, to end the future that has already died for us, no matter who tries to get in our way or tell us we can’t.