KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – August 11, 2016
INNSMOUTH, MA – Cthulhu’s social media account was sabotaged by Ghroth the Harbinger (known also as the Giant Meteor or Sweet Meteor of Death) today when an endorsement quickly turned into insult.
It appears Cthulhu is not immune to the dissident factions that have dogged every candidate this year. Republican Donald Trump was humiliated by a prime time Ted Cruz non-endorsement speech. Clinton and her sycophants were booed and protested for the entire week of her convention by the Democratic party’s left-wing.
— Cthulhu for America (@cthulhu4america) August 11, 2016
Ghroth’s message to Cthulhu of “kiss my assteroid” betrayed a weeks-long vetting process that many hoped would unify the nihilist factions of the electorate.
The snub angered many Elder Party delegates arriving in Innsmouth for this weekend’s convention.
“Ghroth is only in this race for self-aggrandizement,” said Katy Barr, delegate from Montana. “I don’t see it having a lasting impact on this election.”
The delegation from Florida also weighed in on it’s mental faculties: “Any being with that unstable an orbit is not fit to assist in the coming cataclysm.”
Oregon delegate Hotblack Memphis pointed out that thinking an asteroid would be able to time its impact in accordance with the US election was absurd: “All it does is spin the American people in circles.”
From “one shot wonder” to “prone to missing its mark” the venom against the meteoric menace was on full display.
The single Ghroth booster was quietly sitting in the back of the assembly hall, shunned by the other participants. Lucas Winnie, auto mechanic from Montana, said that he had hoped his candidate would be on board with a unity ticket because “it’s not often you can an election where everyone would rather die than vote.”
Shortly after being interviewed, Lucas was dragged from the room to parts unknown.
In an official statement, Cthulhu denounced the rogue asteroid saying it “can’t even crack the surface of issues important to Americans.”
Alabama delegate Vincenta Lewis had the most cutting remark: “The only policy it has is to suicide bomb a planet. Sounds like a terrorist, doesn’t it?”