KINGSPORT, MASSACHUSETTS – Dark Lord and 2016 Independent candidate for president Cthulhu released the following statement regarding Tuesday’s primaries:
“2016 is a crossroads for humanity and their frail reality – all according to plan.
“Exit polling and divination show that disgust for the weak offerings of the two-party system is creating a situation ripe for a third-party victory.
“One-third of Republicans and Democrats as well as a majority of Independents will, if Trump and Clinton are the nominees in November, seek succor from a strong independent candidate.
“Despite the barriers in place to prevent unauthorized candidates from entering and succeeding in the American political system, there is only one candidate with the name recognition and solid record of evil to win as a write-in candidate.
“That being is Cthulhu.
“I look across the land and I see the faces of 80 million millennials who know what their future looks like. The universe is indifferent to their pleas. Their dream for a better world is hollow and impotent.
“Both Republicans and Democrats have played their role in bringing humanity to this point.
“The American people are not blind to this, and now it is time for humanity to rise up and demand its doom. And not just the slow, incremental decay on offer every 4 years, but a final spectacular apocalypse by electing Cthulhu.”