KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – September 2, 2016
WASHINGTON, DC — Hillary’s rapacious gathering of endorsements from the most belligerent foreign policy bureaucrats stalled today when Henry Kissinger declined to endorse his long-time friend and vacation partner.
Kissinger, along with Reagan adviser George Schultz, released the following statement: “We are not making any endorsement in the current presidential election. We are dedicated to fostering a bipartisan foreign policy and we will devote ourselves to this effort now and after the election.”
Many Cthulhu partisans were concerned that Kissinger would endorse Clinton, as virtually every establishment figure has.
“There was never a question of Kissinger’s loyalty. While he does keep tabs on Clinton for us, he knows his place in Y’ha-nthlei is negotiable,” said Cthulhu’s campaign manager Eminence Waite.
As reported by The Hill, Kissinger, while not fully endorsing Cthulhu, let it be known that his eternal devotion is to the Great Old One and that any rumors he has “gone native” is untrue.
This move by Kissinger comes at a bad time for Clinton who has been trying to match Cthulhu’s open call for worldwide war with a moderate stance of only several selected engagement theaters around the world.
One Clinton aide, speaking off the record, said that many of Hillary’s newfound endorsements stem from the realization Trump is too unreliable to deliver their agenda.
But more importantly is their abandonment of longstanding pacts with the Elder Gods.
“To them, destroying the world just doesn’t have the appeal it used to,” the aide said. “Why destroy the world when you can own it?”
image by World Economic Forum