The Cthulhu for America Campaign gave exclusive access to Kingsport Star Herald reporter Cassandra Plourde to our nationwide Saturnalia tour promoting a return to the tradition of the Old Ways. You can find the other entries here: Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7


 
KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – DECEMBER 24, 2015

[Editor’s Note: The Kingsport Star Herald is offering $5,000 to anyone with information leading to finding Cassandra Plourde. The following is the unsubmitted and unedited article as was found on Ms. Plourde’s Google account in the hope that it may help in her recovery.]

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — The lonely stretch of Shi Shi Beach was the setting for the last night of Saturnalian revelry. We were gathered among jagged sea stacks jutting out of the surf as if a titanic sea creature’s jaw was buried just below the sand.

The beach, long cleared of hikers and campers, was full of several hundred people who were severely underdressed for the bitter cold winds howling through the stone monoliths. The flashes of a storm at sea briefly illuminated their skin as we waited. Waited. Waited. (So damn cold! how can those people stand it?)

A keening wail pierced our shivering reverie and a shout arose from my compatriots on the beach. Then, as if by magic, the circle of bonfires around us burst into pillars of flame. The beach was transformed from a cold hostile place to one of primitive security and warmth — A warmth that was being taken advantage of as everyone shed what remained of their clothes. The bonfire light must be playing tricks on me because it really seems as if the array of skin tones around me included shades of blue and green. (clean this up a bit Larry)

Cthulhu (still in that suit, I don’t think it ever takes it off!) stood over the crowd on a small dais set up in the center of the bonfires. It (I know you like me to use “he” for the readers, but it’s not a he at all) began speaking in the Old Tongue. It was a ritual of some kind where the crowd was slowing getting more energetic and gutteral as Cthulhu brought the rite to a crescendo.

Samir approached me, asking if I needed anything. He didn’t have hot cocoa. But he did give me a drink that he said would warm me right up. Bless that unflappable man.

He told me: “What you’re seeing here is how man worshipped the Old Ones thousands of years ago, and will be worshipping them again in the years to come. It is an authentic experience, one that’s catching on more than you’d expect. Metrojacks, millenials, paleos — the new generations almost know what’s coming. The rhythms around you also call to you Ms. Plourde. It’s in your (something I didn’t catch, ask later)”

A thunderclap nearby ended the conversation, the storm was getting closer and the wind threatened to put out the bonfires. (ugh, what’s in this drink? nutmeg??)

Samir excused himself to go take care of something, somewhere like he always does.

The assembly then began to call out in unison, (sounded like) “Kn’a vulgtlaglnyar shiishiogg uaaah ftaghu kadishtu ‘fhalma ctharanak!”

After a few minutes, there was an answer that seemed to come from beyond the stone towers around us. At first all we could hear was a horn (almost like a shofar) in reply. But as it got closer distinct voices croaked along with the horn’s refrain. Whoever these people where they had an easier time chanting the difficult words, making them almost lyrical.

Two horn notes sounded, a signal that the celebrants took as time to rush out of the warm circle of fire and out to the tide line.

oh shit larry

shit you have to know this is goddamn real they came right out of the ocean like those guys last night NOT PEOPLE

i couldnt help screaming and they didnt like it

im running into the forest maybe find a road

get me the fuck out of here larry


The Cthulhu for America campaign sincerely regrets the incident regarding Cassandra Plourde. We have fully complied with the investigation by local and state authorities, as well as the FBI, regarding the disappearance of Ms. Plourde. We have also raised the reward offered by the Kingsport Star Herald from $5000 to $250,000.
 
 

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