FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Desperate Obama endorses incredibly flawed Clinton
KINGSPORT, Mass. – June 9, 2016 – Cthulhu calls out President Obama for endorsing compulsive equivocator Hillary Clinton – citing Democratic desperation to buoy the uninspiring candidate.
“Normally the President waits until the last day of their party’s convention to ‘pass the torch,'” explained Samir al-Azrad, Cthulhu’s press secretary. “In this chaotic year the Democrats have the Clinton albatross around their necks and they’re doing everything to prop her up.”
Presidential candidate Cthulhu was a little more direct saying that while the early endorsement is no surprise, it “speaks to the weakness of Clinton that so many had to extinguish their reputations” for her during the primary process. That, says Cthulhu, “will be how Clinton will be defeated – if the FBI fails to get her first.”
Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is under FBI investigations stemming from her unauthorized use of an insecure personal server for government business. That she was not immediately disbarred from running is a testament to how much power she and her husband continue to have over the Democratic Party.
Both Republicans and Democrats are eager to get election 2016 started even though their conventions are weeks away. “If they are so eager to fight,” said Cthulhu, “then we shall fight. Let the American Nightmare begin.”