FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Cthulhu selects Nyarlathotep as his running mate
INNSMOUTH, MA – August 13, 2016 – Cthulhu has chosen Outer God Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos, to be his running mate, adding the chaotic force to the Elder Party-supported ticket, he announced Saturday.
He introduced his new partner at the Elder Party convention in Innsmouth, Massachusetts, a town symbolic of the growing political power of the Cthulhu Cult. It’s also a chance for the Crawling Chaos to enhance the Greater Evil of the ticket with his own record of death and madness.
Cthulhu is hoping to seize the spotlight from Democrats and Republicans after their conventions. As both campaigns settle into a pattern of pointless name calling, the Cthulhu/Crawling Chaos ticket hopes to bring a new level of pain to their competitors.
Cthulhu’s decision to choose the Crawling Chaos began when it influenced a weak-willed reporter at the Washington Post to write a hit piece on Cthulhu. Other assorted, though subtle, “pranks” throughout the primary season helped cement the deal.
Typically, Cthulhu has always made a bid for the presidency with his demigod subordinate Dagon. But in this anti-establishment year, the Cthulhu team felt they needed to embrace the madness of season by doubling down on it.
Nyarlathotep has a long history of interfering with human history in various guises (it’s said he wears over one thousand Masks) with schemes that always bringing death and madness. This seasoned choice, the Cthulhu campaign reasons, should shore up any doubt that his campaign represents the Greatest Evil and has every intention of destroying humanity.
After the loss of several focus groups, it was determined that the Crawling Chaos’ true form was too much for the average American. He will campaign in human guise as necessary.
Nyarlathotep’s history in the United States goes back to its roots in colonial New England where his many appearances as “satan” spurred the Salem witch trials. He is also known throughout the South as The Royal Pant, Mr. Skin in Los Angeles and the Haunter of the Dark in New England.
The Cthulhu campaign selected Nyarlathotep over a roster of at least four other entities. Advisers to Cthulhu see the Crawling Chaos as a destablizing force for the election, something they feel will be an asset to them as their human opponents try to hold on to the status quo or descend further into discord.
“This election is about results. Neither party wants to give the people what they desire. We, however, want to give it to them in spades,” Nyarlathotep said after being introduced as Cthulhu’s new running mate.