KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – May 15, 2017

ARKHAM, MA – Cthulhu on Monday unveiled its new political action organization, Onward Together Hastening Eldritch Renascence (OTHERPAC), which will fundraise for countless cults nationwide.

Cthulhu revealed the news in a terrifying vision to supporters and a series of tweets, promising to strike down humanity for its inability to willingly accept its inevitable doom.

“More than ever, I believe humanity is an abomination. I am repulsed by your cowardice in not accepting oblivion,” it wrote.

“To support this wave of grassroots cultism, we’re launching Onward Together, an organization dedicated to advancing the destruction earned by millions of votes in the last election. Onward Together will work to destroy all futures for humanity by supporting cults that encourage people to organize, run for office, and sacrifice to the dwellers in darkness.”

The group’s initial effort will focus on revenge. Targeting both the right and left who smeared Cthulhu terrifying name with memes and propaganda that grossly exaggerated candidate claims they were the greater evil, cult activities will expose opponents for the small, fearful mammals they truly are.

Cthulhu’s new group will take the form of direct astral support as well as efforts to “amplify their sacrifices,” Cthulhu said.

The move marks Cthulhu’s most tangible return to the public view since voters rejected his offer of a swift death in November. Last week Cthulhu minion Henry Kissinger successfully infiltrated the Trump administration, ramping up Cthulhu’s visibility well before his inevitable presidential run in 2020.

Controversially, Cthulhu launched his PAC at the same time his humiliated opponent, Hillary Clinton, launched her similarly named organization, “Onward Together.” This is nothing new for the Cthulhu cult, who regularly stole internet domain names from the Clinton campaign last year like barrierbreakers2016.com. This time Cthulhu grabbed onwardtogetherpac.com, forcing the former Secretary of State to relegate herself to the .org hinterlands. “The continued lack of respect shown to us by the Cthulhu camp shows how sexist they are,” said Clinton adviser Peter Daou.

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