Get yours today!
If you’ve been searching for the “cultist card” that our opponents say is the only reason Cthulhu holds more trust from the American people than they do, look no further: The official Cthulhu for America Cultist Card is here!
Here are just some of the perks that your Cultist Card gets you:
No one understands the comfort of a good cult robe. Far too many people are quick to mock individuals who make bold fashion statements.
The social ostracization of cultists, not only borne of solid fashion choices but religious bigotry and absolute fear of Cthulhu, is something America needs burned out of its system. And Cthulhu is the president to do just that.
Loss of jobs!
It’s no secret that there is a religious bias in America. Expressing your devotion to the Great Old Ones often puts your employment in peril. Many humans cannot accept the horrific truth of an universe blind and uncaring to their insignificant woes.
Many zealots use the legal system to oppress beliefs they are threatened by. All too often cultists are forced to stop performing ritual sacrifices if incarcerated or banned from owning a copy of the Necronomicon to keep child custody. The U.S. military continues to ignore cultists who serve and denies them a sigil to mark their grave.
This is just a small piece of what cultists go through every day in America. Trump and Hillary don’t understand what it means to play the “cultist card”—but Cthulhu does. And as president, He will stand up and fight for cultist’s rights each and every day.
Unlike other presidential candidates, we’re not limiting our card carrying members to a certain subset of Americans. Anyone can be a Cultist for Cthulhu. And best of all, the download is FREE.
Don’t miss out—get your Cultist Card today!