KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – May 16, 2016

LAS VEGAS, Nevada — Conservatives are up in arms at the possibility of a Donald Trump presidency. Fearing that the bombastic real estate mogul will ruin conservatism for generations, conservative pundits and party leaders are looking for a true alternative to the “Trump Train.”

Auditions for this savior are being cast wide from Trump-clone Mark Cuban to libertarian Gary Johnson, but on “All In with Chris Hays” GOP political consultant Rick Wilson opened the field even further by stating “I’ll vote for Cthulhu.”

 
“The degeneration of American politics is providing a huge opportunity for Cthulhu this year,” Cthulhu for America campaign manager Eminence Waite told us. “The stranglehold of the left-right axis is breaking down and people hunger for a real political option almost as much as Cthulhu hungers for people.”

“You have Trump threatening to attack from Hillary’s abandoned left flank while Hillary is already gold digging the Bush Family for money and promising to out-Republican the Republican candidate. Americans have every right to distrust both campaigns.”

The Cthulhu campaign is aiming the be that top alternative by claiming consistency and honesty what their policies and “true objectives are.” Indeed, polls are showing that with the almost certain Clinton-Trump match up, Cthulhu is quickly becoming a viable third option to a majority of Americans.
 

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