FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Confused Hillary makes America ‘Say What?’ again
KINGSPORT, MA – August 25, 2016 – Hillary Clinton attempted to demonize her clownish opponent in a speech today by misattributing a Cthulhu campaign slogan to Donald Trump. By clumsily trying to tie Trump to the “AltRight” she inadvertently steered into the deep, sticky waters reserved for Cthulhu:
“He says he wants to ‘Make America Great Again,’ but, more and more it seems as though his real message seems to be ‘Make America Hate Again.'”
Trump says he wants to "make America great again," but his real message remains “make America hate again.” https://t.co/7u3h7PSIXZ
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) August 25, 2016
“Make America Hate Again” has long been a staple of Cthulhu rallies held throughout the United States for over a year. The message, embroidered on bright red ball caps, is also a hot seller for the campaign.
“It’s not any wonder Hillary, in her fragile mental state, made this mistake,” said campaign manager Eminence Waite. “When only 11 percent of America thinks you are trustworthy, the only route to the White House is to turn your opponents into monsters.”
Since Cthulhu is very open about running as the “greatest evil,” the Clinton campaign was bound to “steal [the Cthulhu campaign’s] policies and ideas and glorify her opponent with them.” Waite was very clear that she was not defending Trump, but defending the positions Cthulhu has held since before humanity existed.
“Unlike Trump, who is running a campaign designed to lose, we won’t sit by and let sickly Clinton mock us.”
Cthulhu’s vice president, Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos added, “Look closely at Hillary Clinton. Don’t you think she looks tired?”