An Innsmouth official offered genetic help to Senator Elizabeth Warren after a DNA test report failed to stem criticism of her Native American claims.
Beretta Nova reviews the Cthulhu Cult’s new motivation book “Your Stars Are Wrong: Wisdom for the Coming Age of Cthulhu.” Deplorable memes, unmentionable truths, and eldritch secrets abound in this new volume by Samir al-Azrad.
Hours after Cthulhu announced his intention to sponsor China, debris from Chinese space station Tiangong-1 fell on the outskirts of sunken continent R’lyeh.
China’s ruler for life, President Xi Jinping, now has a rival for control of the world’s next superpower. Cthulhu’s cult announced today that their Dread Lord no longer favored the floundering American republic and was looking to the future.
A new leak from Clinton’s upcoming revenge novel “What Happened?” details how third party candidate Cthulhu contributed to her electoral loss last year.
A new tell-all book is set to overrun Hillary Clinton’s fictional work, also based on the 2016 presidential election, in September.
Former comedian Stephen Colbert partially revealed the post-election machinations of Cthulhu last night on “The Late Show.”
He is an idea, a world-theological archfiend, darkness itself.
An exclusive inside look at the Cthulhu campaign on Election Day. Or, as they call it, Summoning Day.
Four days to the election and the collective human hive is abuzz with the revelation of Clinton campaign’s connection to satanic rituals. Does this hurt Cthulhu’s chances?
Why we would cast our hypothetical vote for Cthulhu
We believe that Cthulhu is not only the best candidate for the job, but the only candidate.
FT chief editorial writer Robert Armstrong claimed that Cthulhu plans to “spare a few humans.”
Ain’t no better time to summon the sleeping god than now.
That we endorse Cthulhu for president should come as no surprise. There really is no other choice.
Pro-Hillary PACs are dragging Cthulhu into their stale lesser evil argument. What the Cthulhu campaign does next may surprise you.
While Blumenthal specializes in obtaining classified documents on the sly, Podesta’s great love is for extraterrestrials.
The election of Cthulhu is an event that we will welcome for its immense existential importance, and greet with indescribable relief.
With our nation facing political rot on the inside and barbarians at the gates, now is no time for sophistry. It is time for America to acknowledge this dead end path and place the noose squarely around her neck.
The appalling spectacle for this election season, scripted by the gilded hands of your betters, has been a gauche display of vulgarity.
Cthulhu’s press secretary talks about necromantic errors and the second amendment.
For the first time since The Pacific’s founding, the editors endorse a candidate for president. The case for Cthulhu.
There is only one serious candidate on the presidential ballot in November. We recommend Dread Lord Cthulhu.
While the Wikileaks “October Surprise”never materialized last night, this morning Cthulhu delivered a surprise of his own.
The Cthulhu and Clinton campaigns sparred on Friday with competing national programs aimed at keeping a restless population occupied.
Since The Kingsport Star Herald began publication in 1743, we have never endorsed a candidate for president. Until now.
America has lost the first presidential debate. There is no spinning it any other way. America saw two ego-maniacal candidates. Neither one is ready to be president.
The Cthulhu campaign released a document showing that he fulfills the citizenship requirement to hold the office of President of the United States.
Beretta Nova interviews Cthulhu campaign manager Eminence Waite as part of her Dread and Revulsion on the Campaign Trail ’16 series
Hillary’s endorsements from belligerent foreign policy bureaucrats stalled today when Henry Kissinger declined to endorse her.
Cthulhu maintains his lead in the Miskatonic State University “Evil Index” despite heavy poaching by Clinton and continued Trump incompetence.
The follow up to the Clinton campaign’s successful #NakedTrump stunt, #NakedCthulhu, has left the artist in need of professional care.
Unlike the earlier Republican and Democratic conventions, Elder Party cultists have a united vision entering their weekend of activism, political assassination and debauchery.
Cthulhu’s social media account was sabotaged by Ghroth the Harbinger (known also as the Giant Meteor or Sweet Meteor of Death) today when an endorsement quickly turned into insult.
Cthulhu is narrowing his choices for a running mate as his team closes in on the final week of vetting.
Now begins the terrible season of politics, made rough with the discontent of the masses as we slide headlong into the intestinal maze of the American body politic.
The Democratic National Committee was into more than election fraud and promoting Hillary Clinton as released DNC emails shows.
Presidential candidate Cthulhu and his entourage arrived early at the Johnson Space Center in Texas for an unscheduled and secretive meeting.
Cthulhu has reached an unbelievable 55% favorability in a new national poll.
The secrecy of the meeting of approximately 160 of the most powerful men in the western world always leads to flights of conspiratorial fancy. However it’s no theory that the Cthulhu campaign made their case to back him over Hillary Clinton to the world’s elite.
Several top level campaign staffers have left the campaign trail to attend this year’s secretive Bilderberg Group meeting in Dresden, Germany.
Independent presidential candidate Cthulhu is making a pitch to supporters of Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders.
Cthulhu released a list of potential Supreme Court nominees on Tuesday in a move designed to head off concerns of who is the most evil candidate in the presidential race.
Auditions a #NeverTrump savior are being cast wide, but GOP political consultant Rick Wilson opened the field even further by stating “I’ll vote for Cthulhu.”
“Muck Dynasty” patriarch Freddie Dolan will support Dread Cthulhu in the fall despite endorsing his rival Jeb Bush seven months ago, he said Monday.
The editorial board of The Boston Globe was set to print a fake front page featuring Cthulhu as president when financial considerations caused them to switch to Donald Trump.
John Podesta, Campaign Chair for Hillary Clinton, indirectly threatened the Cthulhu campaign with exposure of all government records relating to UFOs and extraterrestrial life.
Presidential candidate Cthulhu held a short press conference in Columbus, Ohio, where he excoriated his “lesser evil” opponents.
Normally a quiet small town, Point Pleasant is now occupied by Federal forces seeking at least five men and women in connection to a legal ritual human sacrifice.
Cthulhu Cult of Central Florida is providing a strong ground game for the Cthulhu campaign that will make it competitive in this year’s presidential race.
Temporal difficulties plagued the Cthulhu campaign’s headquarters in Kingsport, MA, this morning as internet service switched to an alternate timeline.
News of Hillary Clinton exiting the race shocked the political world, perhaps none more so than the campaigns of her former competitors.
The Miskatonic State University College of Mathematics released its first Presidential Election Predictions report today.
The entire town of Gilbertville mysteriously did not return any Super Tuesday results in either the Democratic or Republican primaries.
Zane Felix completely misunderstands what happened in Arkham, Innsmouth, Dunwich and Kingsport.
Miskatonic State University released the results of their first national “Evil” poll of the election season in time for Super Tuesday.
It has come to our attention that MIT student James Cullen and his associate Terry White are trying to scandalize our campaign by falsely associating us with their “disappearances.”
Cthulhu has been officially nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, according to Henriette Aasen, Nobel watcher and director of the Peace Research Cooperative of Oslo.
The tasteful debauchery of the largest networking opportunity for the world’s elite was muted after a tough, but honest, presentation by Eminence Waite.
The lonely stretch of Shi Shi Beach was the setting for the last night of Saturnalian revelry.
The decaying Casa Grande Domes outside Phoenix, Arizona, set the stage for a melding of ancient tradition and post-modern culture.
Cheesman Park in Denver may have a reputation for being haunted, but the only spirits being raised tonight were a few thousand Colorado young adults.
Cthulhu and his followers certainly had a raucous time given the amount of flute playing and shouting echoing across the surrounding hills.
What began as a political campaign holiday party has ended in bloodshed and a manhunt.
The Wyndham Grand in Pittsburg was at capacity last night for Cthulhu’s second night of Saturnalian revelry.
The Cthulhu Campaign’s Saturnalia event at the Rhode Island Convention Center in Providense last night was a red carpet affair of both stars and rogues.
Cthulhu made a surprise appearance at a Krampusnacht event in Washington, D.C., to officially declare War on Christmas.
Point Pleasant affirms religious liberty with overwhelming vote to legalize ritual human sacrifice.
Presidential candidate Cthulhu finally breaks his silence on Bernie Sanders. Cthulhu and campaign manager Eminence Waite gave the Kingsport Star Herald an exclusive interview the day of the first Democratic debate.
Earlier this year columnists Jonah Goldberg and Kevin Williamson engaged in a small debate on who would be a better presidential candidate, the Mighty Cthulhu or a space rock. While we applaud Mr. Williamson’s clarity of thought, we need to respond to the outrageous claims of Jonah Goldberg.
Dagon surfaced last week intent on joining Cthulhu’s presidential efforts. Within hours he was escorted out of Cthulhu’s campaign HQ by Kingsport SWAT.
Cthulhu unleashed another attack on the Republican front-runner Donald Trump with a new ad calling him “a lesser evil for lesser men.”
First interview with Cthulhu and his opinions on war, human sacrifice and Trump/Hillary.
Cthulhu has hired a Republican strategist to manage his presidential campaign and has recruited other veteran operatives with controversial histories.
Cthulhu kicked his campaign into high gear today criticizing Bush and Trump for not going far enough in their plans dealing with anchor babies.
Samir al Azrad, who served as communication director for Wolfram and Hart will serve as press secretary for the Cthulhu campaign for president, the Washington Post has learned.