America has lost the first presidential debate. There is no spinning it any other way. America saw two ego-maniacal candidates. Neither one is ready to be president.

By Brandy C. Newbold, Cthulhu for America, East Coast Communications Director

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump showed America precisely why Cthulhu is the best (and frankly, only) qualified candidate running for president. Hillary’s smug grimace was as full of it as her catheter bag. Trump can’t appear presidential and remember details about his own policies at the same time.

It’s time for Americans to come together and stamp out this two-party dumpster fire for good. It’s time for America to end history, rend reality and achieve true freedom by summoning Cthulhu on election day.

Here are highlights from real-time coverage: