Meet Cthulhu

I have always been here. When your world was young I arrived and strode across the steaming rock.

But that does not interest you. For you, the question is am I an illegal alien, or worse, am I Canadian? You could say I have been on Americans’ minds since our nation’s birth.

I am quintessentially American. I’ve established residence all across the nation.

I fished off the shore of Innsmouth, Massachusetts, in 1840.

In 1907 I frolicked in the swamps near New Orleans.

The silent hills of Vermont played host to my consciousness in the 1930’s.

I haunted the lonely surf-addled shorelines of California in the 1960’s.

But as America soured, the pain and violence drew me forth. The brutality of empire was the key to circumventing a bad case of narcolepsy. I needed more than scattered cultists in remote areas. I needed the screams and dreams of millions who styled themselves the apex of primate civilization. And so I began my career in politics.

Unfortunately, you ape-things insist on voting for the middling or lesser evil!

But this time the stars are finally right.

It is time for the humans of the United States of America to choose the Best Evil to lead them toward their destiny.

 

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